May 2013
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"The Fastest Nordic Walker Receives a Special...
I think I have a race today. “Think” encompassing outliers including “Can we find it,” “All the signs are going to be in German. INCLUDING course directions…” and “Usual running buddy is okay to sit on the sidelines.”
I have accomplished one important pre-race detail: the soundtrack. And cookies. But since the starting gun isn’t until...
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MIRACLE Whip...
I found a pusher. A source. An answer to my pleas.
Thanks to a steady stream of runners, this is the first time in Frankie’s whole life that we haven’t had Vegenaise in the fridge. I don’t want to count, but I think it’s like a jar a month. Nevertheless! I’m out. And the supply wagon don’t show up again until July.
Finally.
Somebody who will ship! I assumed...
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Cat Splash Fever...
CRASH.
“What did he break this time?”
First there were two vases on the bathroom sill, and now only one. It was calculated. Premeditated. A crime with a message.
Ping was Not Pleased.
It’s too bad, because the incident of affront—
Let’s just say, if you fill a bathtub and leave it waiting unattended for an impending Frankie bath, I guess you’re supposed...
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It's in the [Chain]Mail...
Remember how I was trying to invoke St. Monty Python the other day? I may have found the knights and the giant wooden bunny. Philipsburg is having its mittelalter spectaculum, which you could translate to “Ren Faire” — though if its held in a town that’s existed since the actual “Ren,” perhaps the more formal title is due.
After all, it’s been 675 years...
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Share Your Toys...
Maybe there’s a reason we have to teach kids how to share.
“Nobody wants to be a shill for your brand, but they are happy to share information and content that helps them promote their own identity.”
Though Facebook is indeed one giant marketing demographic survey, if you’re going there to hock your wares, you have to do it with a bit of the inverse in mind.
You have to...
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I'm #1!
That is to say, let’s go to the phones and ask JT what month it is.
And now let’s ask me how many books I’ve read.
ONE.
I finished one! Finally. The trick is installing every conceivable reader appiedoo on your phone, and living in a place where during the day, Twitter is pretty quiet while you all sleep. It’s still counts as a book, even if you read it like checking...
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Any Final Thoughts on Cher's Oration?
“So. How much of why this is a thing do I have to explain to you?”
“She was in Clueless…?”
“SO WAS HE.”
My hand to Elton’s Cranberries CD in the Quad, Suburgatory is good — and I say this as someone who doesn’t make TV friends easily. I have whole seasons of stuff I KNOW I’ll like; Bunheads, Make It or Break It, and yet, I...
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173...
A year ago I wrote that a Foreign Exchange Student was coming to live with us in November. She got here 173 days ago.
(I’m not actually counting, but the “how long ‘til she gets here” tab is cookied and it also counts how long it’s been.)
She’ll be six months old on the 20th. She can sit (if you prop her right); she kind of likes smushy vegetables (not...
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Pippi in Puppets...
The second in (because two makes) a series, The Friday Afternoon Governess, in which we attend to the cultural edification of a young lady. First, it was the Ethel Merman episode of The Muppet Show. Today, it was a PUPPET SHOW.
These fancy posters were up all over town, so I took it as an invitation. I take pictures of stuff I want to take home and translate later — this one, I got most...
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Presented Without Comment...
Except, “Look out.”
I hope the cats are ready for this… (She seems to only operate in reverse at the moment, so unless I fix her up with a rear-view mirror, they still have a chance.)
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Top 5 Things Germany Does Better...
Okay, better THAN requires a “who,” but this stuff is good enough it has to beat a lot of comers.
In-Season Specialties. Look out, it’s a Spargel Shack rumble. It’s not just vendors everywhere, it’s chalkboard restaurant signs proclaiming its presence, and bottles of wine labeled with a picture of the white stalks, trumpeting how well it pairs. One food, an entire...
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A Real Class Act...
Surprises in the mail are always a treat, and this one is incredibly special.
It’s a Show & Tell tale with the sort of honest kid perspective that makes it at once not condescending and completely hilarious.
Kristian’s dad is a comedian on TV who makes everyone laugh…Fay’s cousin tells you if your bag’s too heavy at the airport. Donny’s dad works in a crisp factory…Hugo’s stepbrother...
April 2013
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--The Management...
Which came first, the U2 album or the yellow sign? In either event, it’s some Spring Do Bettering around here, baby.
And it’s of the mostly virtual variety. The three-dimensional realm is as clean as the stepcats will let it be, but over here there are some binary spiderwebs to knock down. A stack of clips to scan and post, a bio to update, a new look with better...
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NOOP...
Oh, look! It’s like GOOP for normals. (Based on the true story of this weekend.)
Make
This grocery-store tea, which even if we can’t read all the words on the packet, we have decided the nubby brown lumps are ginger because it is fantastically spicy, especially if you leave two bags sweltering at the bottom of your huntin’ company hot-cold mug.
Go
Absolutely nowhere due to...
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Future's So Bright...
Someday, I imagine a tantrum, “BUT MOM. I have to start my ENTIRE INTERNET HISTORY from SCRATCH. Nothing comes up when you Google my name. NOTHING. It’s like I DON’T EXIST.”
The decision not to put her on the internet was easy. Too many kids are exploited every day on blogs and Facebook, moments of growing up that should be private, are too often put in an album or...
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Finish Line...
It’s a jinx-proof proclamation because it wouldn’t dare otherwise — we’re done with winter. DONE. Finished. With the end of the cooping-up weather, we’re also making more tiny steps — away from home sweet home to a new home sweat home.
Yeah, it’s pumping a little bit of iron-y that the weather gets nice and we retreat INSIDE to workout, but it has...
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Royal Straight...
No shuffling necessary — the new definition of such is visiting three castles in one week. Or kind of like tic-tac-toe, but with turrets.
Today’s #3 — Burg Lichtenberg.
We’ve been trying to get out on a day trip all week, but since the rain has been lashing sideways in intervals of 20 minutes, we’ve been stuck. Today we hit the meteorological jackpot, gray rolling...
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Loaded Words...
It’s three adjectives and a value-laden term too many, this story.
“Fat Naked Woman Goes on Rampage in German Gym.”
As I just joined a German gym, this seemed relevant to my interests — and it is, but not for the reasons you’d think.
“Rampage” is a pretty specific word — one usually used to imply malicious intent on the behalf of the actor. In this case, it seems it’s chosen in error. If you...
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You Have Arrived...
“Your destination is on the right.”
No, GMaps. That’s an industrial park from 1945 wrapped in razor wire. That is not a sporting goods store.
We’ve been doing pretty well getting around, The Bro and I, so we decided we were feeling froggy enough to drive someplace I’d never been before. Now, I CAN drive. I just feel it’s in the best interest of continuing...
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Is There a Bro in the House?
“Do you have ice?”
“I have the frozen part of a Boo-Boo Owl.”
It works, it turns out — and doesn’t water down your drink, plus it will probably impart new and special magical healing properties when used next.
The Bro is in town, the fourth place he’s come to visit by my count — and the first with a language situation. So far he’s managed...
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Super Heroines Need Straps...
Super heroes, princesses, and famous faces — so codified in dress and look, they might as well add the “lady in the triangle dress” from public restroom doors to their club of iconic female imagery.
Iconic, and not altogether free from the gender kryptonite of objectification. And by “not free” I mean, the chick on the bathroom door has the most modest and practical outfit of the bunch.
I had...
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Muted Indignation…
It can only remain “righteous” in proportion to the naïve notion that along with it, comes affect. You’d have to believe that your outrage at a turn done bad can actually pave the way toward the aforementioned right. And yet, especially in regimented circles that exist purely of and for the sake of hierarchy, outrage is just a scream into a howling wind. Nothing to believe...
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Return to the Fatherland...
“The fire alarm has been activated. Please evacuate the building immediately. Airport personnel will direct you to a safe exit…
L’alarme incendie a été déclenchée. S’il vous plaît évacuer le bâtiment immédiatement. Personnel de l’aéroport vous dirigera vers une sortie sûre….”
Exeunt. And from the mixed up files of le Bard, All’s Well that Ends...
March 2013
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