September 2008
This Is the Kind of Day I'm Having.
A: [words]
Long Pause. Z: I'm sorry, what did you say?
A: I can't remember.
Z: I'm glad we had this talk.
Sarah Palin = Peggy Hill?
“May all your melt downs be ice cream related.”
– Graham Roumieu. I’m only taking applications from cute things to care about from now on. Please be advised.
McCain campaign officials tell us they're not... →
OMG. Some. Some? SOME?! Those odds=not good.
“America is doomed. No one in this room will ever, in their lifetime, see calm...”
– Oh dear, Mr. Hitchens. I mean I’m glad I wasn’t in that room but… he’s probably right.
Hey! Over Here!
Sir. There’s a whole huge country, and I know it sounds weird, but the clocks are different. When it’s 8:45 in your house, it’s only 5:45 IN THE MORNING at my house. I know, it’s a whole science-y reason, we don’t have to get into it now. But! When you give a speech at that time, a good half of all the people you are allegedly speaking to? Still asleep. It’s...
WatchHe leads my majority list of people I don’t want to meet in a dark alley. Straight up gangsta.
“Here’s another bun in the oven.”
– The brilliant Brent’s nomination for what to engrave on the engravable cake pans on the Bristol/Levi registry. He wins.
“You don’t say that out loud. If you have to do things, you do things.”
– Holler. And by that, I mean I wholeheartedly and fundamentally agree.
I’ve never had a hurricane named after me.
Letting My Inner Earth Sign Out; or: How I Had the...
Over coffee, picked all my stories, selected all my pics for post-writing later.
Ran 8 miles. Listened to dense book about God or lack thereof read in pleasing Hitchean accent.
Gardened backyard, banished leaves, etc.
Purged closet, a la Eminem, now have appropriate number of hangers again.
Cleaned, vacuumed.
Attacked stack of mail. Found voters pamphlet! Why is it called that? It's more like a booklet.
Remembered to charge Blackberry. Ultimate victory.
Going to grocery store, even put on bra for occasion!
Then, writing stuff to fill up the internet for tomorrow morning.
What's that thing we're supposed to do on Sunday? Day of rest or something? Good thing there's apparently no God, see item #2.
I Literally Just Screamed, "Scotty, No!" →
The toenails. It was the toenails that put me over the edge.
WatchYou can’t cast the classic Cinderella story and expect a small-town gal go from zero to world stage in a month. So why does the rain in Spain falls mainly on the Palin?
The Queen Needs a Raise! God Save Her! →
She hasn’t had one in 20 years and $17.5 million just isn’t worth what it used to be.
Yes. I Just Looked Up My Boxing Weight Division.
And no, not telling. I enjoy the flattering terms though. Let’s just say girls enjoy being part of any club that has the word “light” in it, so clearly designations thought up by a man. Girls would have made the classes “Feel thin when around people bigger than me” and “Five pounds from skinny jeans.” Light Welterweight = hotter, tougher, better for...
But, um, we’ll still get his salsa, right? Also dairy-free Newman-Os? I’m sorry! Just asking.
Pirates. Constant News About Pirates. →
Does it blow anyone else’s mind that there is a story in the news about pirates almost every day? It’s like there’s a very dark version of Disney producing our current reality, and he has a wildly sick sense of humor.
“Not all relationships are healthy. Some, such as the one between the oak and...”
– Yes. It’s my horoscope. But I defy you to find someone else who would tell you the hard truth using Oasis as an example. Of course now I’m spending the rest of the day deciding between good grace and mighty fight.
Twittering the Debate. →
Twitt without pity. Or something like that.
Dear Election,
This is hard to write, but please read the whole thing before you get mad. I don’t think we should be in a relationship anymore. When we first met, it was fun. Everything was exciting and it was like a big Super-Tuesday game all the time and it seemed like there was always something going on. But lately… lately I can’t say that’s true. I mean it was pretty fun and easy this...
Do you think Dana Perino is a fun person in real life? She kinda scares the bejeezus out of me.
“I’ve come to accept that in this media-circus environment, you simply cannot run...”
– Nope, regardless of my close, personal obsession with Mr. David Brooks, I had not a hand in this — but I’ve been screaming about this very thing all week and now I secretly hope he’s spying on me and taking notes. Hot.
I Haven't Spoken to This Man for 10 Years. He...
B: my senator sucks. both of them, actually
Z: oh who even knows who the other one is.
B: did you vote for bush then?
Z: wait, we're going back four years? what are you the FBI?
B: the last 8 years. i'm probing why anyone would consider voting republican this year.
Z: um, well, sir... it's like this. i don't think b.o. can do 1/27th of the things he's promising. and it makes me feel like he thinks i'm a chump.
B: please, republicans think you're a chump
Z: this is a whale of a conversation to have over IM after not talking for ten years, but okay.
B: he reversed completely the last four years and abandoned all his principles. hell, I voted for him once when he was independent, but he's totally crazy now.
Z: gasp. you DID?
B: there didn't use to be democrat opposition in AZ, and he used to be respectable
Z: what do you think changed? since you know him and all.
B: he wanted to run for president.
Z: i just wrote a whole thing about log cabin republicans and the national platform is a lot more inclusive this year than it's ever been.
B: it's not that inclusive. it's horrendous. c'mon.
Z: i don't know what to say. clearly i'm not in a position to argue for this, but i am an out republican in san francisco. that's hard! i don't have equal rights!
B: how do you like it?
Z: san francisco?
B: not having equal rights, actually. and san francisco are the bath houses nice?
Z: i ran the pride 10 k and they gave out sex club coupons in the goodie bag!
B: wow. half off sling rental?
Oh. My. No. Vote. →
You cunning fox, you…?
“Whether McCain’s crazy gambit is seen as desperate or brilliant, it...”
– John Dickerson. No one uses the word “gambit” enough.
Aaaaand I spoke too soon.
Okay. Can We Make Up Please?
You seem less crazy this morning. Really. I’m sorry. Lesson learned: never underestimate the power of saying something completely out to lunch and then incessantly repeating it until it becomes the new reality. So useful.
BUT… If $700 billion could rebuild “the crumbling infrastructure of every town, county, and city in America,” shouldn’t we do that? Isn’t...
There Once Was a Man With a Beard, →
He’s someone that everyone feared.
He just published a book,
Of fun rhyming hooks,
Osama bin Laden POETRY is just freaking weird.
Now I’m convinced there’s something lucid up that sleeve. What do they know that we don’t?
WatchAll is not lost. I hope. Sorry about the “coot” thing, but I think that’s what the kids call “tough love.”
