April 2009
“I don’t know why, but finding out Zoe reads FARK is like walking in on the...”
– The wonder that is Scotty. Also: perhaps the best sentiment committed to words since Gutenberg did his thing. (Not 3 Men and a Baby. The other one.)
This Morning's "Come To"...
Jesus: You know you can't prance around without a coat on. You'll catch your death.
Me: But it's almost MAY. And the sun is out!
Jesus: Yes, but it's 12 degrees. Pants, sweater, boots. All necessary. Plus, the gusts of wind I've arranged just blow your dress up over your head. As you saw yesterday.
Me: Fine. I will wear a sweater--but "prance"?? Thus far, and no farther sir. I do not prance.
Update: OMG. I thought I was quoting Columbo. Apparently that's in a Bible verse? Job 38-11, not Columbo, "The Conspirators" (1978.) Hahaha joke's on the heathen. Also, I guess "Come to Jesus Talks" aren't actually conducted with Jesus...
Because "Fat" Is a Four Letter Word...
Trainer Jay: So keeping your heart rate lower than you have been will actually cause you to use your adipose tissue for fuel.
Me: It's so cute when you call it diplomatic pet names.
Karma Exists! Proof at 11. Or, Um, Now...
Scene: 5th St. this morning, just outside of Nordstrom. Two little boys, not twins but close in age, dressed in painfully new and matching outfits, right down to the hats on their heads. Occasionally, I revert from my “no eye-contact, citified” ways to local yokel (read: nice) and say things, like I did today, “You boys look very handsome.” They were surprised, it was cute...
WatchAre we heading toward extinction because Fall Out Boy is making having kids seem like the worst idea in the world? And how are we supposed to make the seismic shift from everything we’re taught in high school about having kids—is any other life lesson of our youth supposed to be as easily reversed? **Now with editing and whatnot!! It’s just an experimental departure from the...
“My imagination has very flattering lighting.”
– Some boys just get it.
I Guess They Can't All Be Winners...
Weird dreams. An entire night of epic, bizarreness—but this one! This struck me as a brilliant flash—for a split second: I dreamed the whole plot and script for a TV commercial for Wikipedia. (Aren’t you so jealous that my dreams are so vibrant and titilating? I mean wikipedia! Scandal 3000.)
Open scene: Family of four is in a car, they are moving and towing a U-Haul...
WatchWell, it was a wild journey with incredible highs (see also above) and not a few lows. Though all in all, the story itself takes the true narrative arc—elegantly scripted with a defined beginning, middle, and now, the end.
I'm Warning You Internet: No Investigations, Give...
I know in the video, the nice UK version of Paula Abdul says she’s ashamed at how cynical everyone was about that lovely Susan Boyle, but the cynic in me is very, very afraid. If anything comes out to discredit the magic of this moment, well, then we all just better pack it in because what’s the point.
So! Let’s not tempt fate y’alls. No digging. I mean it. I don’t...
WatchJust pretty things I saw tramping all over creation this weekend. Geographic diversity from beach to backwoods? All as pictured and all found on foot.
Also re: the Mr. Bing’s sign—once upon a time I had a very vivid dream about that place, and I’ve always loved the retro-city of the signage and have always meant to go… no time like the present?
The "Chaos?"
Me: Well, they don't really make vegan gravy, so "biscuits and" is sort of out of the question.
Wise Advice: Listen. When the chaos comes and we have to live off the land, you vegans will die off like frigging cockroaches under a heat lamp.
“I told them [911], ‘You need to get somebody out here because if I catch...”
– The Lone Survivor finds the guys who killed his dog. FARK says, “Two douchebags shoot Navy SEAL’s dog. Lucky for them, the cops caught them before the SEAL did.”
And that would be correct.
