Surrounded by girls in bikinis, the dad of 8 wore his diamond studs, sunglasses,...– Mmm… This is what we call “painting a word picture.” I can’t decide on my favorite detail, though I’m leaning toward the number of buttons—and perhaps the fact that he has more kids than buttons, done or un.
Reason #452, With Expert Commentary...
He: I saw a baby being born today.
Me: Was it yours?
He: I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
Me: Well, that's cool right? I mean, they say it's a miracle.
He: That's not what I pictured a miracle would look like.
The stories of the past courage cannot supply courage itself. For this, each man...– One Kennedy lured me to Rhetoric, and another made me stay. This speech inspired my entire education. Not for its content, but its craft; proof that words can turn any tide, slay any giant, and make a lion roar again. (Okay, and this one too.)
The second you park your sassed up airs on the bus in shoes not meant for...– Truth, see also: Fact.
AND He'd Just Said: "Everything Looks Too Big. You...
Someone Else's Dressing Room Boyfriend: (To the GF) So we're like 0-10 here.
Me: I don't think shopping is that kind of sport.
SEDRBF: It feels like it.
Me: No, 50% off plus 20% off on top of that, THOSE are the stats that matter. [Because SCORE.]
Caution: Dead Edge
I actually can’t believe I recognized her. I mean in retrospect it’s not so unusual that a girl on your bus will also go to your gym, it was the fact that I could place her out of context and silent that surprised me. It did renew my faith in my powers of observation though. It’s a fine line you have to walk everyday, a constant readjustment of audio-visual levels to maintain...
I Do Wonder Sometimes...
What the world would look like if every job had comments enabled. Like, if people carried around a stack of Post-its with their user name printed at the top and they could then scribble out their assessment of whichever professional with whom they happened to be dealing at the moment. SerenaRAWKS1984 says: First! You answered my questions about my savings account interest rates super fast!...
You Want Fries With Those Fries? When school lunches are lucky to have ketchup playing the vegetable role, it’s pretty hard to swallow the White House’s protest over a lunch program ad mentioning the first daughters. In this episode of Means of Persuasion: why all kids should get to eat the presidential (carrot) cake. *Bonus—the salad noise? Completely real and unadulterated.
Because Everyone Is Famous *Somewhere*
Mom via text: We're eating lunch with you!
Me confused via phone: What now?
Mom: Frank and I are at the Applebees. Your picture from that play you did in college is still up and we're sitting right by it. You're still faux-nostalgic tchotchke!
Me: Well! Take a picture of it because, proof.
Cook the black beans your favorite way. Reserve the cooking water. If you’re...– Haaaaaha. Vegansaurus and the recipe titled: Chilled Black Bean and Peach Soup with a Caramelized Peach-Onion Relish!” OR “What I Am Making Very Next.”